Read Aaron Lazare’s requirements for an effective apology. These attempted apologies and expressions of consolation failed to elicit. Aaron Lazare, M.D., a noted scholar on the psychology of shame and humiliation, offers a thoroughly engaging and lucid examination of an important and. On Apology, by Aaron Lazare. New York, Oxford University. Press, , pp., $ What a pleasure to read a book by a prominent psychiatrist.

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Jun 28, Thomas DeWolf rated it it was amazing Shelves: For example, a woman who has been abused by an unrepentant husband may forgive him but choose to live apart.

On Apology by Aaron Lazare

View all 9 comments. On the back cover of the book, there is a quote from the starred review from ‘Publishers Weekly’: Reasoning Anthony Simon Laden. Two, in my family if the parent was xaron the wrong and apologized sincerely to the child and the child responded with a smug “I love it when you apologize, Mother, because it makes you feel so foolish. There was a problem filtering reviews right now.

Making Peace Through Apology | Greater Good

Aaron Lazare sheds light on one of the most basic of human interactions, and on why people, and even nations, can feel so bad and then so good, on both sides of a true apology. He even touched upon the increasing numbers of women and minorities in high level positions within corporations and governments and how their values toward apologies will shape the future.

The apology repairs the damage that was done. While the parts of apology were interesting what I found most profound was the section on why apologies sometimes fail.

Before they met, Lomax had been unable to forgive. Suspecting our youngest child, Naomi, then 16, who was t This book started out really boring.

He makes a convincing case; I agree with him. It is one of the main reasons so many of us hold on to grudges for years.

On Apology

Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers. Whether an offended party is an individual or a collection of individuals, an apology must meet the same basic psychological needs in order for it to bring about forgiveness and reconciliation.

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An effective explanation may mitigate an offense by showing it was neither intentional nor personal and is unlikely to recur. Mar 14, Canadian Reader rated it liked it Shelves: Add both to Cart Add both to List. Lazare succeeds in showing that a true apology is among the most graceful and profound of all human exchanges. I read many short articles on apologies, and then read this book.

Psychiatry Third Edition Janis Cutler. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. Senator Conrad Burns to Arabs. Lazare’s contribution touches on basic human emotion and interaction and will be of interest to a wide general audience as well as to those in the apoloby professions.

I wouldn’t mind trying to read it again, but too much was going on for me, and it was written a bit like a textbook.

Liberal Democrat Ota’s comments on gangrape. With On ApologyAaron Lazare offers an eye-opening analysis of this vital interaction, o an often hidden corner of the human heart.

Remorse, shame, and humility are other important components of an apology. Get fast, free shipping with Amazon Prime. We breathe easier knowing that our original estimation of the offending party lazwre correct after all: These situations aside, effective apologies are a tool for promoting cooperation among people, groups, and nations in a world plagued by war and conflict.

Amazon Renewed Refurbished products with a warranty. A great read for all. Among the most moving examples in the book is Lincoln’s second inaugural address, in which he apologizes for American slavery: There’s a problem loading this menu right now.

If only I could write this well. Within the above structure of apology, an effective apology can generate forgiveness and reconciliation if it satisfies one or more of seven psychological needs in the offended party. Nov 05, Barbara rated it really liked it. Lan rated it it was ok Dec 29, Tl;dr – In short, although this book gets off to a rocky start, it ended up being very informative and educational.


My goal has been to understand why certain apologies succeed or fail to elicit forgiveness and bring about reconciliation. Author Aaron Lazare started out the book talking about the increase in apologies found in media outlets in recent years and the growing importance of apologies in an interconnected world: Showalter adds that, in contrast, female writers make men live up to their misdeeds, “forgiveness comes the hard way: The next important phase of an apology is the explanation.

Although at times unnecessarily repetitive, the book gives compelling evidence for the importance of apology in our lives. For an example of this type of apology, it is useful to compare the Abu Ghraib incident with another case of prisoner abuse and its aftermath. Nov 11, BHodges rated it liked it. This book is a testament to how the seemingly simple act of apology can heal centuries-old wounds, bridge cultural and international misunderstandings, dissolve bitterness and resentment, and restore relationships of every kind.

Indeed, especially after a party has been humiliated, as in the case of Abu Ghraib, apology is a vital, often necessary, step toward assuaging feelings of humiliation, promoting forgiveness, and restoring balance to a relationship. Does a sitting Roman Catholic pope have the standing to apologize for the mistakes of the church’s priests and parishioners from earlier centuries?

Reading this short and insightful book will make you think about your own relationships and situations in which you were the offended seeking an apology versus being the offender and offering or coerced into giving an apology.

Lazare also talks about ‘false’ apologies a lot, and why they are so unsatisfying.

They need to be in control of their emotions. Interesting look at the phenomena of apology.